finished I wrote my previous post and left me sitting at my laptop thinking on what I read, as he thought, as she paused every time we talked ... I was so lost in my thoughts and I noticed that he had approached his laptop, which was open on the table nearest the window, I could hear him cursing when he realized what had to the screen, but nothing came to me, sat down, sobbing, or so I thought, because even then I look, I I listened but I think at that time was not quite aware that it was Ela who heard.
suddenly started flashing a window directly in front of my eyes and yes I could no longer remain aloof, it was him, I asked why I spoke, and did not answer me ;, wanted to know when I thought, I felt, was certain he had read her diary, and he felt guilty ... he felt that he had fucking .... He, as always has been the victim of my wrong way actuar.Encendà a cigarette and closed his eyes away from that moment I did not want to have to deal with their feelings, the pain, you hear hit table, do not know what to say, what to do, impotence becomes strange when you ignore all the media but how to use them ... I asked him to stop mourn, finally confessed, but confessed without speaking I felt angry because a powder had to wait three months, that is not rage, we both knew he escribrió it in his diary, he was punished by me even when my only intention was to do the best for both, I was hurting, I never deserved to Justin, JAMA s, and he does not deserve someone who does not know how to love, someone who can not give him what he really deserves ... and I have tried so many times ....
tried to explain that after breaking the last wall that prevented me from really tell what I felt, what I really had always felt for him, he believed that from the moment I was honest with him, everything would be easier but I realized it was not so, I had the certainty that would never be entirely happy with me at that time and could not help with my hands covered my eyes and I broke my mourn, continued trying to explain that the past was that, after that we could not delete wondering if I really hurt therefore its reaction ... when I read everything he had written, I could only say that what hurt me was thinking I could never compensate for all the damage he had done, and then mentioned it, and again the fucking violinist was there between us ... and battered hitting my feelings ... pitching in an attempt to remove him from my mind and I realized how stupid they were being two ... maybe me more than him, because in the end he always tube more reason to be angry ... I
tried calm down and look him directly in the eye, above the notebook, as he wrote, doubting their reactions n, wondering who was able to understand me ... I simply asked her embrace, and before I realized he had over me, laying on my legs, my body melted, and wept openly, without embarrassment, wetting his hair, his neck and telling me all these things yet when not admit it makes me feel so good, telling me he loves me, he always has, always will, even then, the pain of the two, was part of the happiness you want, because time was of the two, turned away a little of me to look at the screen, the window in which we talked and background a picture of Gus's last birthday, Justin and Gus smiling at the camera, the only people I really care ...
I do not know where it came from my value at that time ... not sure but I lean back on the keyboard ... "Excuse me for being such a cocoon, I love you more than anything, just ... I have not even clear how to let you know ... I do not know if you get the message with the necessary clarity for you to understand ... I love you, and if you want us to get married tomorrow, I'm willing to go to hell, I just want to make you happy ... help me, teach me how to do it, please ... I love you "and began to mourn again, tried to fix it I wrote that you do not want anything, to stop and to mourn ... and that if he could tell me where was the bed ... he smiled, finally smiled and kiss me again after to start up one of the best nights I remember, one of the sweetest ...
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