has been no intention on my part, I passed only your laptop, do not even look at the first turn, but the second my eyes were diverted to the screen has left open the newspaper, I imagine that there has been a volunteer, I did not read any further, I felt dirty, and not only be reading what you have written, if not for what they think, feel punished for my decisió No waiting three months is a fucking risk a bloody and unnecessary risk to expose the two, but in love there to take risks, that as I've said it once.
I feel like a punishment ... I do not understand how you can reach these conclusions, I seem to me absurd, is not a punishment, it's the two, for our safety, I am a selfish FUCK ... Am I? for wanting to wait, wanting make that day special in every way ... maybe yes, I do not know what to think, we continually seeing one month, I have days trying to compensate him for all the damage he did in the past ... and still not enough ... I do not know what to think. I just hope that at some point can feel my debt to as settled, I know it take, I look forward to the day that has nothing to reproach myself, nothing to complain ... for now ... is clear that he has saved much of what he says ... I feel that only the tip of the iceberg, the remaining 99% still remains below the surface ...
I'm shaking, not cold, is afraid, afraid to face this situation, fear of having to hear from your lips what I've read a few moments ago, fear have to admit he's right, fear that each and every one of my attempts to fix the years of slights are as fruitless as being so far ... afraid to admit to the mirror you bastard I am, who for nearly six years I played with him a cat and mouse, again need to fear what they hide Sorry. A fear that grips my heart, and I do not want to feel it.
Now I realize that whatever you do, though I try not to hide anything, to open up to him, I always end up hurting, we always end up at the same point, which I'm hurting, give half of what I got to live to see him really happy , not like now, I see him lying in bed, watching TV, looks at me and smiles, but the smile that always stirs my heart right now, I get bitter, because I know pretending, because I know that smile just make me happy, not because he is ...
I really wonder if all this makes sense, if I'm worth enough for him to have to put this to be me ... if you ever stop wanting to fight ... if the problem is that I love him as he deserves ... at times the fear fucking up until my throat is a painful sensation, acid, nausea intense burning inside ... What I can do, how I can explain it? God this is too complicated ...
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