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brian_k_t @ 2008-12-31T17: 23:00

I simply wait for it to connect. I could hear him tinkering across the wall, at a time when everything changed, the blows began to sound much stronger, even I thought she would pull the wall ... talking to someone, but I just listened to it. A "mother" sounded desperate I confirmed my suspicions. I was talking to Jen. I did not know I had said, now they know and Jenn could have saved the damage he did, he listened mourn, and her crying was destroying me, I felt broken, empty, and I felt so far, despite having him just a few meters. ;

lit his laptop and sent him a message asking how he had been flying, did not beat around the bush, he asked , that was what Jenn had asked me after the attack, of course Jenn could not shut up, no, sometimes I wonder if they really do not realize the harm that can come to ask Justin, but of course, I'm not the most appropriate to criticize it. I told the truth, damn, how hard it was to remain seated, listening to mourn, was shattered, screaming incoherence, insulted me many times I lost count, I was not aware that I also cried until the tears soaked the keyboard ...

was broken, my fault, I was shattered a few feet from me. Y I sat, feeling helpless, worthless to get up and cross the few meters, was not the time, was not yet time to rush definitely could end my chances.

But still, it never ceases to amaze me, told me he needed me, I wanted to caress him, even if so, with a few sentences on the computer, I decided, if at that time I was rejected that there would be future for us.

I got

and crossed the meters that separated us, I called her door and when opened it was no surprise that I saw in his eyes really scared me look at him, he was not, was a ghost, my Sunshyne housing, a body trembling, panting, let me hug him, we are on the right track, I thought.

After a while where I did not quite understand what he said, in which the words broke agonizingly tried to leave his lips, I took the couch and sat ; in my lap, he was crying, all I could do was stroke, trying to calm him down, draw strength from where there were not to sink with it. I told him I loved him, I think never before in my whole fucking life was so sincere, not to worry, that everything would happen, there would be no more lies, that there would be ma s secrets between us. It was calming down little by little, aprentandose against my chest, still without looking at me until I asked him to take, at the time the request seemed out of place, but at the same time, I saw a light, a door opened before me with what I asked.

I took in his arms to the bed, undressed him, not wanting to be let go, so with one hand started to caress her, covering her skin with my lips, my tongue, I plunged into my mouth, how many times was he who had given me pleasure to me ... Today I played back in any way, to show how grateful he was to have him, and I did, slowly, very gently, while his body began to respond to my attention, left to mourn in a moment of truth that I was not aware of this, until I noticed that tears were not already, they were moaning, drowning, what I was hearing, and I noticed vibrate in my hands, so close to orgasm, I stopped, did not want that, I wanted more, show up where, show her how much she loved him, I finished off my clothes, watching him, his eyes on me, and before she could react they sat on their hips, for once, no condom, no preparation, let me down slowly over his erection, buried in the depths of my being, the surprise in her eyes he only encourages me to continue to lean on him as I moved slowly over his erection, to whisper back all you want that for years he refused and wanted to say something and again not I stopped, drank from her lips, I licked every inch of skin in my power, the feeling was too intense, too hot, sweet, so intimate, so inside, responded, of course reacted, I pushed , and stood over me without leaving my interior was ... can not find words to describe the feeling of having him within me, so, with nothing between us, could say it's sublime, but would still be short, is more than that, it is painfully pleasant enough to want to mourn, as well as to wish keep forever.

As he felt was something else, was there with me, but despite that was not part of Justin, had disappeared, the pain was so great that I could not still recovering from everything, I hope to do someday.

Even now still look at me, I do not think, but I do not see, respond and try to smile, but not him. I love him, more than life, more than I ever thought I could ever want ..

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With two balls

"With two balls" and does things Brian Kinney ... yes sir ... with two balls.

And that's what I'm missing today, two balls to confront him, to stand up despite the amount of times I said I did not want me. Face to prevent him from boarding the plane elements, but of course ... I'm looking like an asshole and embarks ... What happened last night I will bring more problems than they want, what I smell and ... I'm in deep shit if she has talked to Jenn will want to kill me now, if not already done so ... he did not think ... I called NY to lead to another apartment some furniture ... the most essential, I'm within half an hour is my flight, and while I'm here as a jerk, in the cafeteria at the airport, thinking that pussy I can tell you to forgive me.

I've left a message on the answering Jen, if I have luck and get fix this, tomorrow we will both be back, otherwise I'll be back alone and I'll take you with Linds.

I keep thinking ... would have told you, yes, but when? And damn if you miss Jenn asked me to come back to him, if he escapes he asked me what I fuck her, then yes I'm dead ... with the lap that gives all ... would be able to think anything ...

Why

what the hell you tube to find the nurse? We were fine, so will, with luck that I have were too good for it to last ..

Britin When I left I went to see Debb, does not it funny that the wake at this hour, but ultimately it is my "mother" and did not drive much anger, I heard, I turned green, I've won two collejas I do not know that it odd for me, you're right, I acted like a real asshole, but in the same way he understood the reactions No Justin, also came to understand why I did not say before ... so I stayed as it was, well, more or less, the coffee was loaded and I learn and have a little ...

Debb When I left I was not sure what to do ... could not return to Britin, Justin made it clear he did not want me, did not want to go to the loft, which involved a drunk but I would not upset too was not the solution, so I tumbling pass another hour, until the reserve began to score, you would remember that Justin had used the car ... never remember to fill the tank, chances whores ... was opposite the hospital, when I realized I was out of fuel ... and when parked next thing I knew was sitting in the same place, where I spent five years ago so many nights ...

I spent hours sitting there were more than five in the afternoon when watch the clock for the first time I went to the loft, a shower, hoping to find a message from him on the answering machine had not ; to call, but there was a message from him, telling he was going to NY.

So here I am like an asshole waiting to get my flight time, thinking that I can tell you to forgive me. Hopefully not too late this time, you can still fix it, but every time we argued, every time I'm hurting me realize that at any time your patience will be broken and no, I do not want or thinking, unless combines two months of the wedding.

are calling, I have to be shipped.

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brian_k_t @ 2008-12-17T00: 12:00 Call and travel

The poor thing was so nervous, I must say that I I was, to deceive, but the last thing it needed was Justin, to let you know how far I was also concerned about the situation. He is a genius, that I know, it took was for others noticing.

shook hands, smiled at all times cordial, correct, I turned away ; of it a little, you leave your room, however was his day, and had to cope with what success meant, despite that I tried keep in sight, from time to time her eyes looked me, then with a smile, a nod from me light enough to placate the nerves in them rise again 'Justin I am here with you'.

Tom hovered around her like a fucking bumblebee, more than willing to pass his arm around Justin's shoulders, slide your hand on your back, or grab the arm, showing and showing off his discovery. In the brief moments that Justin took to politely get rid of those contacts I had to do a true exercise of self-control to not reach out and tear the eyes.

And then ... cross out !!... He appeared. Actually, I was surprised by his appearance, one could say that almost looked like a person ... normal ... None of that aspect of beggar who looked before, it remains a destripa_gatos ... but now is believed to have style ... it seemed, because he crossed the room with gait of superiority, looking at people with a smile of self-reliance the hard way contributed to the nausea that I felt since I saw him enter.

I retired a little, hidden from view by a column ... but from where I was perfectly to Justin, his expression was changing ... from happiness to surprise, from surprise to indignation, and what I saw then was the look of pure revulsion he had ever seen.

He approached him with safe passage and tried to kiss on the cheek, Justin stepped back, rejecting his show of affection and extended her education hand. By Justin gestures sensed that the conversation was not entirely satisfactory to the absurd prince, but the bastard kept smiling immutable ... as if Justin was telling some kind of adventure ... I realized that I wanted to look, and I stepped a bit further back from where it was, Justin could see me, but he did not. I did not want to intervene unless Justin should ask me what I wanted to give you the option to him that he should put things clear to undesirable, I looked and I knew he understood my gesture ...

After some conversation, they left him to approach the works exposed, Justin looked at me with pleading eyes, I made a nod with his head and pointed the bathroom, I noticed even from where I was and let it out that he had held when I looked and after smile turned to apologize to a couple who had approached to greet him, I turned around and as fast as I could I went to the toilet.

When I heard the door was already in the last cubicle waiting for Justin, but what happened next caught me completely by surprise. While still not heard someone close the door suddenly opened it again, getting a start and Justin let go my heart pegase a boat.

heard

Justin curse and when he went to peek, I saw him in the mirror, Justin's face and back of the little shit that I did not know if Justin had seen me until that bastard started talking ... And I stood there, frozen to each and every one of his words ... was very clear where to attack, which was going to say, reminded Justin, and step to me, all "putadas" I had forgiven her birthday present, my continuing contempt, as I fucked "The Rage" as he ignored it, insisting that if at any moment he had wanted, he would struggle to recover, and had not done. Justin sent him to hell, everything said so many times I had said to me since I was in NY, that he had accepted the case, I never promised him anything I wanted, I had always loved me. But Ethan volvíaa put the nail on the head again and again, getting every one of my demons hiciesen present in that bath. All the contempt, that stink, we hurt so much to both ... Justin was the limit, but my mind was still lost in those moments, even I was aware of the tears rolling down my cheeks, until Justin heard shouting "Fuck" I got to focus its image in the mirror, I was looking with the nerve to argue with that undesirable had forgotten I was there, waiting. At the same moment he saw me he cried, and Ethan pushed him, knocking him against the sink, just in time for me to dry up with the sleeve of Armani, the exact time to leave the cubicle and turn around, to welcome Justin running made me, and while trying to get back destripa_gatos the stability lost due to shove, I covered my lips with mine Justin did not want to say anything at that time, only kiss, just remind myself that he's mine, it's just me.

When he got to his feet, started laughing, I separated from Justin holding his arm, "are painful Justin, kissing you forget everything you did "use whatever I could not stand that little bastard and I weight lift an arm grabbing. "I'll tell you what is hard ... you you are, you said that you do not want anything, you lost your chance, you're history, Justin is with me, marry me and I'll see that never, never under no way to remember you again ... get out now, before we call security, or worse, before they have to break your fingers and have to beg again and this time without violin & rdquo , In his eyes I saw fear, terror and fuck up in my life, I was glad that someone is so frightened of me ...

left the bath running, I turned and I was looking at Justin, tried to apologize for what I had heard, but did not let him finish, he had nothing to apologize for, he smiled and replied, pulling on my arms, crying . He calmed down as I could and went to tell Tom that we had to go, that Justin was not feeling well.

was a long day, long and hard for both, but the show was a success, has sold all of the above, tomorrow we are going to Pitts and we will take a vacation in Britin, Ely me alone ... we deserve it ...

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I called five minutes after turning off the computer.

"Just listen, this is a good time to tell you some things, those who know Oiry want to tell me so hard and others have not told you before, you may not like to hear, but at some point had to say ... this is the time ...

To start I say I love you, from that premise, I hope that everything else flows alone, do not panic if ever notes weakness in my voice, not do it if at some point the tone is hard or intimidating you because you speak clearly when it comes to feelings, is a great effort.

have a power over me that no one ever had before, a power that I did not think anyone otorgaríaa jamásy in fact, I gave you, you you earned, you stole me, I must admit that perhaps from the first time I saw you in front of Babylon ...

That first night, which thanks to the amount of shit that I had taken, I just remember details, most importantly, what I remember most clearly is all about you, with your lips , with the touch of your skin, your taste, your inexperience, with fear in your eyes, your sorrow, but also with the value of take the risk to come with me, with a complete stranger ... some of those memories are so vivid in my memory as the closest in time ...

During these years my baloney and your tears have been a constant ... since the second time we met in front of the loft ... so far, I've always managed, even without the proposed letting me know, make you mourn, now when I think of each of the tears I have shed my fault ... I have been cruel to you, do not interrupt me now Justin ... let terminar.Te refused many times, so that at times even I thought he really did not care, keep to all that Brian Kinney did not believe in love, has hurt us both ... But you ... you ... God how stupid I've been all this time ...

I've pushed so many times in my life, I thank God that my blond guy never tired of insisting.

I would

to separate the memories, but there are times when it is not easy, as in the night of your graduation, I could stay just your smile, your body touching my hands, with your own sliding down my arms, with your eyes, your lips, FUCK JUSTIN ... had so much love in your eyes when we said goodbye ... I was scared, I was afraid, I could not admit that I cared, another stupidity, would have taken you to the loft ... I can not lose anything in Babylon that night was your night ... I could have prevented it, but I did, I did ... Justin could not ...

No, do not talk ... Fuck ... you face your father for me, for being with me and I ... I ... I could not do anything, I could not, and your smile last night, is something I'll never forget while I live.

Justin I wanted, really wanted, I wanted to give you what you needed, the I love the flowers, all he offered you, but did not know to like, I thought it would be better for you, I thought he would know how to make you happy ... I did not know how much I will miss going, the I needed you, how I wanted and then ... when I realized I was late coming to dinner with you, and you seemed to be happy at last, as they had been with me ever ... No Justin, do not blame yourself, never do ... I was, I threw as many times, I pushed into his arms, only regret the damage you did, because I can almost feel it as my responsibility as well.

Damn when I saw you in the dark room of Babylon ... Damn ... I thanked the heavens for letting me try again ... I thanked him for giving me a glimpse of hope, yet all was not lost and suddenly were in Vangard ... and fuck was so keen to hold you, kiss you I turned to scare ... ironic I know but if you had not kissed ... I do not know ... Justin ... was betting a heart of everyone telling me not have ... your lips reminded me of what was to be alive ... Your presence is what makes me alive ...

After cancer and fear, this time a fear that paralyzed me and you gave her hell again ... more than I ever thought you could show ... more patience than anyone would in your situation ...

not think it was back in Los Angeles, really did not think so ... but you came back, and the days have turned to light ...

Why the fuck I end up walking away from me? Why absurd reason I can not really make you happy? I've been several times on the verge of losing, but two of them was not only lose you, it was lose myself ... I get up every day to give thanks that you are alive ... giving thanks that supports me, giving thanks that despite everything you've done follow ones ...

I know that I get unbearable, I know I can not help, fear of losing you is there, lurking, waiting, and if for any reason ... Damn ... this is not easy at all ... I love you more than anything Justin, and trust you ... is only this distance ... ufff do not know ... we have to do this the two ... by the two ...

Sleep Justin ... tomorrow will be better ... I'm sure ... I love you. "

An hour later I was embarking NY bound ... and here I am ... his face asleep this morning when I arrived ... Colorado, with a fever ... I have fallen at a pharmacy before waking ... is now better ... I work a little ... do not let him get out of bed ...